Track and Field

My routine descended into pure chaos last night.

I was late getting out of work. Rushed to Trader Joe's to do my light marketing. Raced home to wolf down my supper and change. Hurried over to the rec center - which closes at 8:00 - and found myself nauseous before I had walked for even 10 minutes. A quick supper and a workout do not mix. I powered though 30 minutes, then gave up the game. (I'll make up the missing 30 minutes during my lunch hour tomorrow.) I was still feeling so crummy when I got home that I just curled up and went to sleep. Hey, I had a great night's sleep --- nine hours for a change --- but when I finally crawled out of bed, my apartment was in disarray and there was extra tidying to do. Believing that the envelope I needed to drop at a mailbox was my Father's Day card, I rushed out to work without even having finished my morning routine. It turns out just to have been a student loan payment with plenty of time before the due date. My Father's Day card was mailed a few days ago! One misstep after another this week. There must be a full moon approaching.

Actually, it's only when I make mistakes like this that I have a chance to really learn what's working - and what's not - with my routine. Like perhaps it isn't a good idea to try and do my light marketing as well as my workout on the same night. I think I'll move my light marketing forward to Thursdays. There'll still be plenty of time for cleaning the bedroom if I get home 15-20 minutes later than normal on Thursday evenings. Wednesdays will be a workout-only kind of night.

Something else that's not working is trying to add errands to my morning commute. "I'll just stop at Walgreen's on the way in" or "I'll just drop this off on my way past the post office" or "There's plenty of time to run by the library book drop." With all the extra haircare and lipstick and stretching-and-limbering exercises in the morning, there simply isn't time to do anything extra. And I usually end up with these errands in the morning, because I've been to lazy to stop and do them on the way home from work. The evening commute is a much better time for errands --- unless it's workout night, that is!

And it turns out that I'm not very good at styling my hair. I've attempted a 1940s pageboy twice this week. The first one was semi-successful. The second was a flop. Hairstyling is definitely a craft that requires patience, and that's never been a forte of mine. I know so little about my hair. Would it take a wet set or will it need heat to hold a curl? What do you even use to make pin curls? I've been using a curling iron, but I'd much rather use a method which would take less product to stay in place. It sounds like the pin curls create the longest lasting curl. What kind of curlers were women using in the '40s? Or are pin curls literally made using pins?

I'm going to need another inch or two in length before I'm able to do a good pageboy, so in the meantime I'm going to try and assemble the tools I'll need and get plenty of practice. My mission doesn't really dictate that my hair be styled in vintage fashion, but I think there's something to be said for having a vintage quality to my hair - even if it's styled with a more modern look sometimes. Our grandmothers wouldn't have dreamed of leaving the house with the frizzy bedhead that's so popular today. (Imagine the looks they would've gotten!) Hairstyles were glossy, sleek, controlled - and curls were king. It probably looked a lot healthier, though I'm not sure they were using any less product than some women use today even if only to achieve to perfectly tousled look. I think I'll strive for something in the middle here. Can I achieve a shiny head of curls with minimum product?

Oh, how I wish I was having an easier time with reducing my calories... Truth be told, I should probably have held off on this step for just a little while. I did great last week in changing my snacks to fruits and vegetables --- during the early and middle part of the week, at least. At the end of the week, I was strafed with cravings late at night. Pushed through them the first time, but gave in to them the next two nights in a row. When my scale showed a loss on Monday morning, I figured I'd go ahead and jump into the next mission. But thus far I've cheated two out of three nights. The same experience. I don't have any real powerful cravings until late at night. Bedtime. Sure, I could try doing the small, healthy snack thing, but I know me. One bite and I'd go bananas and eat much more than I'd planned on. I'm an all or nothing kinda gal, I guess. The only reason last night went okay is probably because I was already asleep!

I'm not proud of any of this, but I wanted to put it down here and lay out what this experience has been like. Those late-night cravings feel like a hurdle - and if I could just jump over it once, I'd be able to do it again and again. I must have really done a lot of snacking late at night in order for this to be such a problem now. They're phantom cravings in a way. Like the phantom pain somebody who's lost a limb feels in the place where that limb used to be. It's going to take some time for those cravings to subside.

It's strange what an emotional experience reducing calories - really getting to the nitty-gritty of dieting - is turning out to be. For years after an illness I suffered in my mid-twenties, I ate everything and anything I wanted. I was so frustrated with the side effects of medication and the complications from surgery that I figured the least I deserved was to eat whatever I wanted. In the beginning, I needed to. I was dangerously underweight and needed to put some weight on my bones. (That stage didn't last too long!) Eating was an easy fix when the process of physical recovery in other ways was prolonged and painful. During the two years after my next-to-last surgery, I gained about 80 lbs. And so when I feel those cravings late at night, all those old anxieties come right on back with 'em.

I guess I can only take this one night at a time. Just focus on the one in front of me and no further. If I can fill the rest of this evening with good, honest work - the bedroom is calling! - maybe I can jump the hurdle tonight. Tomorrow night can take care of itself.