Have I mentioned that it's been six years since I've been on a date? The man my co-worker wants to set me up with emailed me yesterday. Emailed me --- back in the day, he would have called. It seems a little awkward to pick up an email correspondence with somebody I've never met - knowing that he's kind of gauging whether or not I seem like someone he'd like to have a cup of coffee with - but I guess I've got to give these 21st-century dating rules a try... A younger friend of mine counseled me not to write him back too quickly. "Wait 24 hours," she told me. "Don't give him your phone number right away. Let him be the one eventually to suggest getting together." She tells me we'll probably exchange a few emails before even this takes place.
The "rules" of dating were being transformed in the 1940s as well. They've probably been changing bit by bit with every generation, but there had been dramatic enough changes by 1941 to prompt Lily Haxworth Wallace, editor of The New American Etiquette, to title her chapter on dating, "The New American Way." There's lots of wonderful stuff here, so I thought I'd share it in pieces. Here's the introduction to the chapter. How much our world has changed!
In all the realm of social behavior there has been no greater change in any of the rules than in those governing the relationship of young men and women. The chaperon, except as a purely perfunctory creature, has almost ceased to exist.
Today a young man can take a girl to dine and dance without being engaged or without any raising of eyebrows. The couple may take a long drive throughout the country all alone or they may sit in the moonlight beside some lovely lake without her father asking, "What are your intentions?" A young man and woman may be seen together frequently even though they have no intention at all to marry.
To most of us this new American freedom seems a great improvement over that custom of past generations which made it necessary for a girl's parents to sit primly in the parlor whenever a young man called on their daughter. Usually the parents were tired and would have preferred to go to bed and it is certain the young lady and her beau were dreadfully bored.
If a girl is a nice girl, with a sense of true proportions and a desire for things in good taste, she will remain a nice girl, despite her new freedom. She will probably safely end up with a good husband, a nice home, and clever children just as quickly, but with a lot more fun, than her mother.
If she is a cheap girl, she will have her future hours of deep regret though surrounded by the exaggerated defenses of the past.
Accordingly, let us not predict dire things for the new generation. Things are not necessarily right because they were always done. Conversely things are not necessarily wrong simply because they have been right for a long time. So it is in the relationship of man and woman. Many of them must be observed to keep still the tongue of Mrs. Grundy or to avoid cheapness.
Darn that Mrs. Grundy... More to come on another day. I've got a kitchen to clean!
8 comments:
ooh! I'm so excited for you Jitterbug...and as a twenty-something embarking on a new intrigue, I have to say the rules are definitely less than clear. Sometimes all of the ambiguity makes me wonder if its worth it-and then I remind myself that this is supposed to be fun! I look at it this way-if someone has the wherewithall to post the question-whether its via phone, email or text message, unless I have a good reason not to I think they should get at least one chance. But, then, I don't really like to play games with waiting and call backs.
All that to say...I'm so excited for you!
Keep us posted on how it goes
Thank you, girls!
Public Artist, it's amazing how we see ourselves as such a liberal society when it comes to men and women and dating, but the "rules" are just as intricate today as they were 60 years ago...
Five points to anyone who can identify the movie in the picture for this post. It was taken in July 1949 at a California drive-in. Any ideas?
I'd say my husband and I definitely did things in the most unconventional way! ;) We met online while he was in Japan, met in person when he came to California to check out of the Marines (he eventually joined again), and we started living together right away! I can only imagine what Mrs. Grundy would have to say! LOL.
I love the parts about "nice girls" and "cheap girls." I wish more of an emphasis was put onto young women these days to pretoect their virtues. My mother works for an OB/GYN doctor and sees girls as young as 14 in her office pregnant. Very disheartening.
Do keep us upated on your gentleman!
hilarious. I'm just reading Emily Post's Etiquettte and she's very clear about chaperones and mingling. But even she talks about how things have changed from past times and was becoming more liberal.
hope the emailing goes well.
Amber, Mrs. Grundy probably would've fainted dead away! The war bride situation in general must have wreaked havoc on etiquette. Hey, I guess this means you're a war bride, too!
Weenie, from reading forward, I can see that Ms. Wallace feels that "chaperons" are still necessary in certain situations. She goes on to cite some very interesting rules about the ins and outs of modern dating.
Good Luck- let us know how it turns out!
~W~
Thanks, Wendy! I'll keep y'all posted...
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