Dorothy Dix Says...

This week's column - which dates to January 25, 1940 - is a back-to-the-basics lesson in etiquette. The letter writer must have written the morning after a dinner party she hosted or attended was ruined by a very late guest.

Dear Dorothy Dix - What do you think of a woman who never keeps any appointment or arrives at any function on time? When she is invited to dinner she keeps her hostess and the other guests waiting thirty or forty minutes while the soup scorches and the souffle falls and everybody gets hungrier and hungrier and crosser and crosser and the affair is ruined. Otherwise this woman is charming and pleasant, but she is losing all of her friends by her utter disregard of other people's convenience.

Answer - It is said that promptness is the courtesy of kings, and certainly nothing shows utter lack of breeding as for a selfish individual to make other people wait for him or her. I knew one woman who solved this problem of the dilatory guest very satisfactorily. In her house when dinner was at 8 it was promptly at 8, and the guests who arrived late were served the course that was then in progress, and if they only got in for the salad it was just too bad for them. The result was that as far as Mrs. B., who was noted for her famous food, was concerned, her guests were always on time. I recommend this plan. It always works.

"the time when almost everybody remembers almost everybody else"

Have you started your Christmas cards yet?

I've been reading a diary kept by an elderly woman during this era and, in 1941, she sent no less than 70 Christmas cards to her circle of family and friends. 70 Christmas cards! Just the thought makes my hand cramp up. I don't think I've ever sent or received more than 20 in my heyday. The author of the diary ordered her cards on November 8 from a woman selling them as a fundraiser for her church. The cards arrived on November 24, but it wasn't until December 5 - two days before the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor - that the author of the diary began "writing" her Christmas cards.

I'm feeling inspired to send my own Christmas cards again this season. It's been years since I sent more than just a few. Feeling the pricks of vintage spirit, I picked up a couple boxes last weekend. A darling sky blue card featuring a tiny red cardinal perched on a snow-covered tree branch - with just a touch of glitter in the snow and on the cardinal's wing. "happy holidays to you and yours" it reads on the front cover. "Wishing you all the best this holiday season!" on the inside. (I like printed greetings that are fairly ambiguous like that --- leaves me room to write things like "Merry Christmas" and "Happy New Year" without looking redundant.)

But wait! Are store-bought Christmas cards proper form? I'd better check in with Lily Haxworth Wallace and The New American Etiquette (1941):

The greeting card industry is growing very rapidly and the increasing use of these cards signifies that for the commemoration of holidays and holy days they are correct... the biggest card day in the entire yearly cycle is Christmas, the time when almost everybody remembers almost everybody else.

It is, as is stated above, correct to send cards which are purchased ready-made at the stationer. It is also proper to have cards especially engraved for those occasions when you are going to send out many. It is not necessary that you confine yourself to black and white. Colors appropriate to the season can be used in both the tint of the paper and in the ink used for engraving and writing.

Phew! Okay, I think I'm covered. If you're planning on purchasing engraved Christmas cards this season, here's some advice on the greeting:

A married couple's cards would always read, "Mr. and Mrs. John Carter Jones wish you a very Merry Christmas." They should never be engraved, "A very Merry Christmas from Mrs. and Mrs. John Carter Jones." If the name comes last, it is in the place of a signature in which such titles are never proper.

She adds:

It is quite incorrect to write messages other than the greeting itself on these cards.

Hey, now. That's music to my ears. I could whip these things off in no time. And yet --- no hand-written messages at all? I wonder when things shifted and omitting a hand-written message - even just a line or two - became a faux pas. At least, that's how my mom brought us up. If you're going to send anything at all, be sure it includes a personal note. She used to enclose school pictures of my sisters and me to most of the folks on her Christmas card list. Let's face it. I don't often correspond with any of my family and friends in writing - except on birthdays or other special occasions. If I'm going to take the time to do this right once a year, I may as well include a note. If I start tomorrow (Friday, December 4) and I aim to have them all in the mail by Saturday, December 19 --- 20 cards in 15 days, that's just one or two cards per day. I can do that!

Incidentally, Mrs. Cornelius Beeckman, an etiquette columnist for the St. Petersburg Times, roundly disagreed. In 1947, she wrote:

Naturally, it's completely correct and most charming and personal it is too, for you to take your pen in hand and sign your name on your Christmas cards . . . and for good measure add a high-hearted message or news-greeting to the printed message on the card. There's something so welcoming about the handwriting of a friend that our hearts leap up when we behold it, and it seems to enfold the message in a warm, friendly handclasp.

On to the signature... Mrs. Beeckman advised her readers in 1940 that the signature - whether engraved, printed, or hand-written - should appear in one of the following forms:

Mary and John Holiday
Mary and John
The John Holidays

Ms. Wallace agrees that the wife's name quite properly appears before the husband's. She's usually the one signing the cards after all:

In signing greeting cards purchased at the store either the husband's or wife's name may come first, the one who signs usually writing the other's name before her own. If they are signed with the titles "Mr. and Mrs." those words, of course, go in that order.

Any children in the home? According to Mrs. Beeckman, they may also be included in the signature:

However when children's names are included in the signature, the father's name always comes first: John and Mary and Baby, or John and Mary and Johnnie, or The Holidays - John, Mary, Johnnie, Polly, and Bob.

An anonymous women's page columnist for the [St. Petersburg, Florida] Evening Independent offered some advice in 1943 for couples separated by the war:

If you are sending out Christmas cards and your husband is not at home on furlough at the time, but you know that he would like to his wishes extended along with yours, you might add a simple note to the greeting saying "John's wishes are included with mine, and we hope to see you when next he is home on furlough."

41 + 3 = 44

It's gotta be all kinds of wrong to celebrate another 3 lb. weight loss and simultaneously rave about my new Butterscotch Biscuit recipe! Nevertheless, I've got to do both this morning. In fact, we've got a lot to catch up on. Let me put a pot of coffee on first...

I weighed in at 150 this morning which means I've lost 44 lbs. since beginning this vintage reducing and fitness routine in April! 1 more lb. and I can officially visit a doctor's office without the nurse having to move that slide on the scale up a whole 'nother notch. You know the slide I'm talking about? That great divide between weighing 100 something and 150 something - or 200 something, for that matter. (Been there!) My mini-goal of 145 is just 5 lbs. away now, so I'm upping the ante. I've got to make it by November 7.

My breakfast this morning is clearly not going to be contributing! The Butterscotch Biscuits were tres delicieux, but not the kind of treat to be enjoyed on a regular basis. These biscuits just melt in your mouth --- which is never a good thing for a reducer! I'm packing the rest of this batch into the freezer as soon as they're fully cooled. They were fairly easy to make. Took me about 20 minutes - and only 10 minutes to bake. Start by mixing up a batch of Baking Powder Biscuits dough. Here's where things get interesting:

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BUTTERSCOTCH - Roll dough to a rectangular sheet and brush with softened butter. Sprinkle with brown sugar and roll up like a jelly roll. Cut into 1-inch slices and place cut side down on greased baking sheet or in greased muffin pan.

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So I had my first date in six years on Thursday evening. And lived to tell the tale! I thought I might perish from nerves about 15 minutes before I left the house. My first instinct was to eat something sinful, but I ate a banana instead and it did the trick. As soon as I met the guy and could see how nervous he seemed, it calmed me down. One of us had to be relaxed, right? We met for a cup of coffee at this restaurant which serves dessert only. (No dessert for me, thanks!) The emailer was more handsome than he looked in in his pictures. Tall and slim with a pianist's fingers. He was soft spoken with a careful, deliberate way of talking. But still... very little interest it seems in actually getting to know more about me. He's never even asked me the easy questions. You know, the kind of stuff you'd ask a new co-worker or somebody you just met at a cocktail party. Instead he showed me all the apps on his iPhone. Yep. His iPhone. Is that the 21st century equivalent of showing a potential mate what you've been able to club and drag back to the cave?

I'm not sure what happens next. I shook his hand good-bye and told him I'd had a nice time. He didn't suggest seeing each other again and neither did I. (I didn't suggest that he call on my mother, either!) I'd be open to a second date, but he hasn't emailed me since Thursday evening. And I haven't a clue what he thought of me. Couldn't even hazard a guess. He was very guarded. Perhaps I'd better reach for my New American Etiquette (1941). What kind of advice on "dating" does Lily Haxworth Wallace have to offer this week?

No girl or young woman should ever visit, upon his invitation alone, the home of a man who lives with female relatives. Before she can go, she must have an invitation from one of the ladies.

One of the most troublesome questions that has arisen because of the modern freedom of relations between the sexes is whether or not a girl or young woman may visit a man in his apartment alone.

The answer is almost invariably "No" but there can be many circumstances that make it seem proper. A girl from a small town, on a visit to the city, might call upon and have dinner with a man from her home town. Where is the harm in that? A bride-to-be would certainly be in no danger if she visited her fiance in his rooms? Dozens of other similar examples could be given.

According to the rigid rules of etiquette, it must not be done. There are many conservatives who would severely disapprove and certainly Mrs. Grundy can be expected to take full advantage of any such "goings on." According to the same rules of proper living, it would seem that whether it is right or wrong depends entirely upon the girl. When a girl considers going alone to the man's apartment, she should ask herself just one question:

"Would I do this if I knew my mother, Mrs. Grundy, and everyone I know sees me enter?"

If the answer to that question is "Yes," where can the harm be? If the answer is "No," the visit had better not be made.

It is even considered improper for two or three girls to visit in a man's rooms unless an older woman - a chaperon - is present.

Neither can one girl with another young couple make the visit with any more propriety than she could alone.

At any party given by a bachelor in his apartment, older persons, who will serve the purpose of chaperons, should always be present.

It is perfectly all right, however, for two girls to take tea with a college man in his rooms.

If you are willing to make the visit and thus dare Mrs. Grundy, make it a point to leave early. Do not remain after nine o'clock or, at the very latest, ten. If you go during the day, do not stay long. Mrs. Grundy only needs to have a man and woman together for one minute to tell some dreadful tales. Three or four hours might keep her busy for a year. Be sensible about this matter. Do not give people any excuse for gossip for only a few minutes of fleeting pleasure. Weigh the scales well to determine whether more good or harm may come to you because of the visit.

38 + 3 = 41

That's more like it! 41 lbs. this morning... which means I've reached my half-way point and left it in the dust. WHOO-HOO!!!!! I weighed in at 153 today. Gosh, I can remember way back in April when I counted forward to the end of the year. I figured if I could lose 1 lb. per week, I'd weigh in at 155 by New Year's Eve. Here it is late September and I've hit that mark already. My next goal? 145. I'd like to see it by November 21 at the latest.

I've honestly had a tough time this week getting back into the swing of things. Last minute social plans, the need to buy some clothes in my new size... there have been lots of things disrupting my routine, but I'm determined to put my house in order this weekend. The one thing I've clung to like a life raft has been my reducing and fitness plan. No matter what else is happening around me, I've got to keep riding this momentum for as long as it lasts. The next plateau could be around any corner.

So I may have a date - of sorts - this afternoon! Nope, not Curly. Just the fellow my friend set me up with. The emailer. I adopted the vintage attitude of waiting for him to make the first move and it took, well, I think it's been a few weeks now. Maybe a month. He finally wrote and asked me, "Would you care to get together sometime this week?" We've had to plan the date via email, but it looks like we might be meeting this afternoon for a cup of coffee at a restaurant which serves desserts only. And we'll see what happens. I'm not expecting any chemistry --- but you can't plan that kind of thing, right? He seems like a nice man. I wanted to see it through to an actual date because of our mutual friend. And I could use some practice with this whole dating thing! Perhaps we'd better check in with Lily Haxworth Wallace in The New American Etiquette (1941) to see if she has any advice that might help me out:

As explained in the section on "dating" it is quite proper for a young lady to ask a man to call on her and her mother or it is quite correct for him to ask if he may.

The inclusion of the mother in the invitation or request is one of the ways we have to show that we do not entirely forget the proprieties of the past, because, most assuredly, the mother will probably only stop for a few words after the young man has been presented to her. She will then vanish into another part of the house and only appear again just before she goes to bed or when the young man is leaving. When bidding the mother good night, the young man should ask her permission to call again. This need only be done at the first call.

The young girl who has an apartment alone or with another girl is faced with an entirely different problem. The girl en famille is never criticized by Mrs. Grundy when she entertains a young man even though she may be as much alone with him as the girl who entertains him in her apartment. There is no difference at all in what happens, but the girl alone, who entertains her men friends, is often the target of all sorts of gossip. Even the men who call, of course eliminating those who know her very well, seem to feel a difference between her and the girl in her own home.

The girl alone had better insist that her men friends leave early, not after midnight. It is better if she makes her dinner parties affairs for four. She should not invite her escort in if they arrive home after twelve. Her parties should never be loud affairs and it would be best if liquor is kept at a minimum. If she so acts, the single girl who lives alone will give Mrs. Grundy little to talk about.

The wealthy girl, who for some reason lives alone in her apartment, would be wise to have a companion - something like a chaperon - and then she can entertain to her heart's desire. Of course, if she has a retinue of servants, they, also, tend to keep gossip at a low ebb.

So far, so good. I'm not planning on entertaining this young man in my apartment. Thank goodness for restaurants and other public places! My fellow diners should help to keep Mrs. Grundy at bay.

33 + 3 = 36

I'm 36 years old and I've lost 36 lbs. as of today. There must be something lucky in that! I weighed in at 158 when I stepped on the scale this morning. Just 3 more lbs. to go to reach that midway point...

I've been experimenting with my Oatmeal and have just about decided that my favorite way to flavor it is with cinnamon and honey. I add a dash or two of cinnamon to the pot as the Oatmeal is cooking - which makes my kitchen smell divine - then drizzle on some honey. Toss a few Stewed Prunes on top --- and perfection. I like my Oatmeal a little chewy, too, so I always take the pot off the burner just before the cereal is completely finished cooking. How do you like your Oatmeal?

As we speak, my Drip-O-lator is bubbling away with a pot of coffee. That's one of my favorite rituals of the week. Saturday morning, a pot of coffee, and a chance to catch up with my dear readers. There'll be plenty of time later this morning to set my kitchen back to rights. And my one-year-old niece, Poppet, is going to be my date this evening. Her parents are taking Kitten to a show - they're trying to spend some one-on-one time with each of their daughters - so I get to have Poppet all to myself for a change! I don't think I could have asked for a more wonderful way to end the week.

It's funny how excited I get when I've got plans with my nieces. It's just like getting ready for a date. What will I wear? Do I have something sparkly or something with buttons she can play with? Poppet loves it when I wear a necklace. She'll turn it over again and again in her chubby, little fingers, then tug at it to see if it comes off. What should we do this evening? Should I pick up a new toy or book before I go over? One thing I know is that I'm definitely getting a goodnight kiss on this date - though it might come along with some cracker crumbs. Poppet's learning how to kiss right now and she loves giving lots of open-mouthed kisses on the lips!

Vintage etiquette guides are chock full of advice when it comes to dating, a term so newfangled in 1941 that Lily Haxworth Wallace still uses it with quotation marks in her New American Etiquette. Let's take a peek. How much of this advice would you say stands the test of time?

Many a girl or young woman is liable to rate the popularity of her girl friends according to the number of "dates" they have. Don't make that mistake. It is the quality of your "dates" rather than the quantity that counts. You probably had a better time with Tom tonight, even though he was the only one who asked you out, than Mary, who turned down three other invitations after she had made a "date" with Harry.

When you meet a young man on a party and enjoy his company, either you or he may properly take the step that will bring about another meeting.

When you are parting, he may say, "May I call on your mother and you some evening?" or you might say, "Mother and I will be home Thursday evening. I should like to have you meet her."

However, do not make the "date" unless you are quite sure that you really want to know the young man. Do not invite him or accept any invitation from him merely for the sake of a "date." Only make "dates" with friends or those you believe will be worthy of your friendship. Anyone you would prefer to class as only an acquaintance should not be your partner on a "date." If you are doubtful at all, make some excuse and withhold your favor until the doubt is removed.

A young man on a very limited budget has a right, if he goes about it properly, to seek "dates" with any nice girl, even though she comes from the richest family in town. He should not give her any false notions about his position but should tell her frankly that he would like to take her to the cinema and ice-cream parlor because that is all he can afford at the time. If the girl likes him, she will have more fun out of that date than she would with a man she doesn't like although his pockets may be well filled.

When you have made a date do not be tardy. That is very rude.

Never attempt to bring a girl friend along and, to the man I say, it is equally rude for you to bring a chum. Three was a crowd in the past, it is a crowd today, and will always be one too many in the future.

When you start out on a casual, unplanned "date," do not force your escort and others in the party to do what you want. Let other people make the suggestions most of the time. However, it is always welcomed if you can provide an answer to the question, "Where shall we go?" when everyone else is stumped.

Rats. Are you telling me I can't date unless I move back in with my mother? I sure hope Ms. Wallace has some advice coming up for the bachelor girl who lives alone.

Gossip Girl

Lily Haxworth Wallace continues her chapter on dating in The New American Etiquette (1941) with a stern word of caution about the power of gossip, especially in smaller communities. And even in a large city, there might be plenty of gossip about the apartment building or the office. It reminds me just how precious a woman's reputation still was to her in the 1940s. Most of us live in communities today where there's such anonymity that we can lead our lives with whatever code of conduct feels right to us - and where it's no longer considered politically correct to "judge" anybody else - but there was no such anonymity sixty years ago. If a young woman damaged her reputation, she might destroy her chances to marry well and have a home to keep. She might even damage her children's chances to do the same. Wagging tongues and long memories:

To maintain your standing and reputation in the community it is not alone necessary to be absolutely proper in your behavior. In addition, you must give the appearance of absolute propriety if the tongues are not to wag.

You know that there is no harm done when you invite Tom into your apartment at 2:30 o'clock in the morning after a wonderful evening but a gossip across the corridor can find a lot to talk about in that. After the story has traveled the rounds, it is quite likely to be keeping Tom alone with you until daylight.

Wouldn't it have been better to have explained to Tom that your neighbors cannot seem to leave your life alone and that, therefore, it is best that you omit that late cup of coffee?

Not long ago I was in a restaurant in a small town. A young married couple entered and, just inside, were joined by a single man who was a friend of their family. On the way to find a table, the husband stopped for a minute to chat with a business associate. The wife and other man found a booth and took seats. Across the way were two women, both acquaintances of the wife. They had not seen her husband enter with her. Immediately their heads went together and I eavesdropped on the following conversation:

"Look at that, my dear, who would have thought that Helen could be so brazen?"

"Oh, you can't always tell about these young girls. I am certainly glad I found out about this."

At that moment the husband came on the scene and sat beside his wife. I never saw more disappointed expressions than appeared on the faces of the two Mrs. Grundys.

Of course, such a thing would never be considered a topic for gossip in a large city but it serves to show what type of stories the small minds of some persons, and they are not always women, can create from perfectly innocent facts. You cannot avoid, entirely, gossip about you founded on pure untruths and circulated by malicious persons. But, in relations with men you will be wise to be as circumspect as possible in order to do nothing that will lend credence to any such slander.

I don't have much to worry about myself in the way of wagging tongues around my apartment complex. Not only do most of my neighbors not even greet each other in passing, but the man my coworker set me up with has yet to hint about getting together for a cup of coffee or anything else. Which I can't say I'm exactly disappointed about. We've exchanged four or five emails during the past week, and he is becoming more of a dud with every email. Oh my goodness, he actually started telling me about the board games he likes to play! I'd have been more than willing to meet the guy - plenty of people sound much different in person than they do by email --- but my interest in even this has an expiration date. I don't need another pen pal.

Now if it were Curly we were talking about, it would be lovely indeed to find myself in the predicament of the young lady being escorted home in the wee hours. Unfortunately, I've lost all power of speech around him. He's been growing out his hair this summer and, the longer those curls get, the faster my heart races whenever I see him. All I can do is blush like a madwoman and stammer out a word or two - which is completely embarrassing and makes it impossible even to try and flirt. We seem to be stalled at "Hi! How are you?" "Good, and you?" Yet my office-mate is convinced that in all the years he's worked there he's never come by the office to use our kitchen this frequently. And if eye contact could make up for words, we'd be having some pretty fascinating conversations. He definitely lingers a bit when it comes to looking at me.

Who knows? Maybe it's just the fact that I'm shrinking. I probably look a little different every time he sees me. My face is changing pretty dramatically as I lose this weight. The bone structure is starting to emerge and my neck and chin are slimming down enough that I like wearing my hair up again. Oh, and it turns out I have a collarbone - it was in there all this time!

Now if I could only get some poise back...

27 + 2 = 29

Have I mentioned that it's been six years since I've been on a date? The man my co-worker wants to set me up with emailed me yesterday. Emailed me --- back in the day, he would have called. It seems a little awkward to pick up an email correspondence with somebody I've never met - knowing that he's kind of gauging whether or not I seem like someone he'd like to have a cup of coffee with - but I guess I've got to give these 21st-century dating rules a try... A younger friend of mine counseled me not to write him back too quickly. "Wait 24 hours," she told me. "Don't give him your phone number right away. Let him be the one eventually to suggest getting together." She tells me we'll probably exchange a few emails before even this takes place.

The "rules" of dating were being transformed in the 1940s as well. They've probably been changing bit by bit with every generation, but there had been dramatic enough changes by 1941 to prompt Lily Haxworth Wallace, editor of The New American Etiquette, to title her chapter on dating, "The New American Way." There's lots of wonderful stuff here, so I thought I'd share it in pieces. Here's the introduction to the chapter. How much our world has changed!

In all the realm of social behavior there has been no greater change in any of the rules than in those governing the relationship of young men and women. The chaperon, except as a purely perfunctory creature, has almost ceased to exist.

Today a young man can take a girl to dine and dance without being engaged or without any raising of eyebrows. The couple may take a long drive throughout the country all alone or they may sit in the moonlight beside some lovely lake without her father asking, "What are your intentions?" A young man and woman may be seen together frequently even though they have no intention at all to marry.

To most of us this new American freedom seems a great improvement over that custom of past generations which made it necessary for a girl's parents to sit primly in the parlor whenever a young man called on their daughter. Usually the parents were tired and would have preferred to go to bed and it is certain the young lady and her beau were dreadfully bored.

If a girl is a nice girl, with a sense of true proportions and a desire for things in good taste, she will remain a nice girl, despite her new freedom. She will probably safely end up with a good husband, a nice home, and clever children just as quickly, but with a lot more fun, than her mother.

If she is a cheap girl, she will have her future hours of deep regret though surrounded by the exaggerated defenses of the past.

Accordingly, let us not predict dire things for the new generation. Things are not necessarily right because they were always done. Conversely things are not necessarily wrong simply because they have been right for a long time. So it is in the relationship of man and woman. Many of them must be observed to keep still the tongue of Mrs. Grundy or to avoid cheapness.

Darn that Mrs. Grundy... More to come on another day. I've got a kitchen to clean!

Breach of Etiquette

Ladies, I'm sorry to say that I committed a capital breach in vintage etiquette this morning...

I went out in public with my curlers.

*gasps, shrieks, and fainting*

Granted, it was 6:15 and I was only walking to and from the laundry room in my apartment complex. And that the men who live in my complex are all frumps themselves. It takes time for those clothes to dry --- if I'd waited 'til then to roll up my hair, my hair wouldn't have had time to dry before I needed to leave for work.

Etiquette experts of the 1940s railed against the woman who lolled about at home with her hair in curlers. Your husband, particularly, should never - under any circumstances - see you in this vulnerable state. (They didn't even mention wearing your curlers outside the home. Guess that wasn't on their radar!)

There is no excuse for coming down to breakfast in hair curlers undisguised. If you put your hair up in curlers, then wear whatever is becoming to you to cover them - perhaps a bandanna tied on like a bathing cap, perhaps some pinned-on puffs. At the moments, milliners are showing evening helmets made of curled “belting” ribbon to imitate a wig. They would be excellent for breakfast! Anyway, not curlers.

“Be Polite, Even at Breakfast” by Emily Post
(Milwaukee Journal, January 28, 1940)

Women who worked outside the home had no excuses either:

She is often just as tired as her husband is - not only that but she has to take time for cold cream and curlers at some moments when they are both at home…

If you need curlers on your hair, cover them with an attractive turban. This can be made by wrapping silk or net around your head.

“Working Woman Tends to Relax Into Dowdiness”
by Josephine Lowman
(Spokane Daily Chronicle, June 18, 1940)

Despite her dictum against hair curlers, Miss Post does relent a bit when it comes to housecoats at the breakfast table:

But may you wear a housecoat? Certainly, if it be a zippered or buttoned princess dress. But not a wrapper - at least not if you go to breakfast in the dining-room with your family, still less if you work in the kitchen. And yet - if you and your husband breakfast alone and you have servants to prepare it and serve it, a negligee (if it be glamorously becoming) does fit into the picture of breakfast-for-two-at-home.

Rats! I guess only one or two of these beauties will do.

In Stores and Shops

As the time for a new mission draws near, I find myself wondering what I've learned when it comes to marketing during the last couple weeks. First, I undershop. That's from years of never picking up more than a basket of things (okay, sometimes a very heavy basket of things) when I went to the grocery store. In this era of roomy refrigerator-freezers and skyrocketing carbon emissions, I need to make my weekly trip to the supermarket count. Can't be afraid to pull one of those grocery carts out of the carrel. And I wouldn't want to shop without a list, but making at least one trip up or down each aisle often jogs my memory about items I may be running a little low on at home.

Mind you, I don't want to overbuy. Something I've noticed about modern grocery shopping is that I never see anybody walking about the grocery store with calculators anymore. And I can't remember the last time I saw anybody using - or used myself - one of the scales in the produce department. Since cash was replaced by checks, debit cards, and credit cards, people have probably become a lot less conscious of the amount they're spending on groceries. I wouldn't have really given this any thought until my wallet was stolen and - while waiting two weeks for my new checks and debit card - I found myself shopping on a cash-only basis. When you've only got a finite amount of money available to you at the checkout counter, you become super conscious of every dime! Things you thought you couldn't possibly do without when you were grocery shopping with a debit card, i.e. real maple syrup, become a little easier to sacrifice when you're actually looking at parting with a five and two ones for it. (Suddenly, store brand artificial maple syrup looked pretty good to me!) Shopping with cash only is definitely anxiety provoking, but it does force you to reassess your priorities.

I'm launching a new mission on Thursday. While I continue working away at this kitchen-cleaning/weekly grocery shopping thing, I'm taking a brief side trip from new housekeeping missions and venturing into the world of vintage beauty. Stay tuned...

I'll leave you with some advice from Lily Haxworth Wallace's New American Etiquette (1941) on etiquette for the shopper. These tips are geared toward women shopping for clothing and other items, but they have some value, too, for those of us making our way to the grocery store.

Many women who make a pretense of fine manners become rude yokels in the department stores and specialty shops. They hunt for what they want with the culture of hungry wolves stalking their prey. They order salespersons and other store employees about, they seize and handle many articles they do not want and discard them carelessly, they rant and complain and shower their indignation upon an offending salesgirl if anything at all should happen to displease them. They act as though the possession of a few dollars in their purse or an A1 credit rating gives them the right to determine the policies of the store and to insult every one working in it. [I guess the A1 credit rating was the '40s predecessor of the FICO score!]

A lady is never rude to subordinates and those who might be classed as her social inferiors. She knows that the men and girls behind the counters are trying hard to please - their jobs depend on it - and their jobs are important things to them and perhaps several others. Accordingly the lady addresses the salesgirl with a smile and is free with her courtesies. "Please" and "Thank you" come as naturally to her lips in the store as they do in her drawing room.

The lady never takes the clerk to task because the accounting department made a mistake in last month's bill. She is directed to the proper clerk or official for that mistake and she politely asks for a correction. She does not raise her voice and she does not insist, "...that I believe this store employs the most stupid people in the world."