This week's topic: Can a woman keep house and keep a job outside the home as well? Dorothy Dix answers the question in this column first printed on April 18, 1940:
DEAR MISS DIX - My husband and I are both employed and we board in a private home, but I am not satisfied. I wish to do light housekeeping and still hold my job, but he says that it will be too hard on me and if I go to housekeeping I must give up my work. What do you think?
MARGO.
Answer - I think your husband is exactly right, and that no woman should undertake to carry on two jobs at one time. Of course, many women do. They work all day in store or office and then rush home and clean up the house and get dinner. The result is that they are nervous, peevish, overwrought and end up in a breakdown. The reason that men last so much better in business do is not because they are physically stronger or have better health, but because they have so much more sense about taking care of themselves. When a man does a day’s work he calls it a day and lets it go at that. He doesn’t go from his work to his home and cook his dinner and sit up half the night pressing his trousers and sewing on buttons.
No, indeed. He goes and gets a good, hot meal that somebody else has cooked and that he hasn’t had to worry about or plan for. He spends the evening reading or amusing himself, lets the tailor do his mending and the laundry do his washing.
But a woman superimposes the work of a woman on her work of a man. She does a man’s work outside of her home and then comes home and cooks and scrubs, washes and retrims her hat and takes a tuck in her skirt. Then just about the time when she is getting to the place in business where she is capable of drawing down a good salary she blows up in nervous prostration.
So take your husband’s advice, Margo, and board with somebody else until you are able to set up a real home and devote all of your time to it. “Light housekeeping” is well named “light.” There is mighty little substance to it, and I don’t blame a man for not wanting to leave a place where there is real food to be had.
20 comments:
I know it sounds funny but this 30 something housewife agrees. I've done both and it's almost impossible for me to give my all at both. For now I am at home but I will have to go back to work soon, unfortunately we need the finances. My DH helps me a little bit but I am always in a frazzled state because the house isn't the way I want it or we end up with not such great meals. It's quite the dilemma.
It is interesting to read this advice and think that 90% of the women I know do both and always have. It's just the way things are. These days it is a rare thing if you can 'choose' to do one or the other!
~W~
After having worked in corporate America, getting married and working in corporate America, having a baby and working in corporate America and then quitting my job to stay home. . . I agree with Miss Dix.
After I stopped working outside the home (which I did for the first 10 years of our marriage) - I realized that what we both really needed during the years that I worked - was a wife.
It's a trade off, really. . . and as in all such situations people decide whether the benefits are worth it. Our lifestyle is pretty simple compared to many of our family members.
I agree and disagree. It depends on the woman. It depends on the husband. If the woman waits on her husband hand and foot, then I agree. If the husband does his share of chores around the house, then I disagree. Having men help with the housework is something that I am passionate even volatile about, so don't get me started! Even my grandmother (b 1908 and keeping house in the 30's and 40's) always said she was no man's slave.
Interesting perspective - the man is lauded for being a lazy bum after work - expecting everyone else to run about and do his bidding so he can brag that he is in good mental health. As we know now - if we split the "womens' work" then neither ends up in a tizzy. I understand the statement historically - my dad was that kind of man - "I bring home money" (so did my mom, and almost as much as he did)so therefore I am more deserving of having others care for me and I can be lazy and not care what happens to others after I get off work". I'm so glad our generation (baby boomers) changed that for the most part and we are partners in life instead of master and slave. No way would I put up with that.
Wow, I've always worked and kept house. I feel exactly the way that she describes a woman who does! Hahaha
At least now my husband has also been helping out in the evenings as I have begun a new school program and am changing careers. I suppose that I have it good. =)
If I did ever have children, though, I may change my mind and stay at home.
I am really enjoying Ms. Dix!
LPM
This is right on the money. My husband has always done his share at home, (I don't like to refer to it as helping me out because I am not a maid and this is his home and responsibilty just as much as mine) but before I decided to quit my job to stay home and concentrate on being a wife and mother, I always felt exactly the way Ms. Dix described, especially nervous and overwrought. Women take so much upon their already full plate that its a wonder we all don't have some kind of breakdown at one point!
Absolutely love your blog, look forward to reading every post!
IF it were possible to do, I would follow Miss Dix's advice, but many of us don't have that option. It takes two incomes to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. It would be nice, to come home from work to ready cooked meals, but who can afford that sort of help either?
Um, tell that husband to get off his pampered butt and pull his weight.
I'm currently staying with my mother (long-but-boring story); I work full-time and do most of what little housework gets done. My father, frankly, always did the lion's share of the housework, but he's working abroad right now. I've been spoiled since the men in my family have always done housework. I'd never marry one who didn't, on principle, even if he could afford for me to stay home.
It's too much. The house is enormous and there is no possible way I can keep it clean enough in the little amount of time I have after work and on weekends. Mom never feels like we have it organized enough to hire somebody to come in and help clean once in awhile. Aargh.
It doesn't have to be the woman, of course; my mother would probably have been better suited to a career, but other things got in the way. I'd probably be better suited to full-time housewifery, but I'm not married (and I wouldn't expect to be able to afford it if I were). But it's a personality thing, not because I'm a woman.
Ask me about my opinion on this and my answer will vary depending on the day. I work full time and sometimes I love how busy I am and relish coming home to make dinner and tidy the house. Other days, I just want to set the house on fire. My husband is a help, but always needs to be prompted, and sometimes it isn't worth the effort:) I would love to work part-time and keep house the rest of the time.
Its too much to expect a full-time quality home when you work somewhere else full-time.
Wow! This letter certainly provoked a whole range of responses... My first thought as I read it myself was that Ms. Dix makes a lot of sense. Women who work full-time outside the home somehow expect of themselves that they will be able to keep just as spotless, well-run a home as their great-grandmothers did. And how could they? It seems like so many of the working couples I know have very little time to actually enjoy their homes or their children. Even when they split the after-work work evenly, they always seem like they're working themselves into an early grave. I don't think it matters whether Mom or Dad is the one at home, but it's a division of labor that kind of makes sense to me. Of course, you have to be prepared not to have the same "lifestyle" that the Joneses might have --- but yours might be better in a zillion ways.
Lily Lemontree, you're a sweetheart! Thank you for the lovely compliment. Posting has been a bit of a struggle for me lately, but it's been a crazy fall. Hope to get back to posting more regularly soon!
Just a quick note to tell you "good luck" tomorrow. I will be thinking of you.
Thank you, luvie! I'm looking forward to getting it done and over with... I'll try and post a note tomorrow night or Friday morning.
Best of luck, kiddo. We'll be watching for an update.
I personally think it is really difficult. After I get home from work, I rarely have enough energy to deal with everything that needs to be done around the house. Sometimes, the house has to suffer so you can eat, through. Wish it was different
Like others have said, I agree and disagree. Not everyone has the same temperment; many women are perfectly able to work outside the home and still get their home stuff done too. Others have a harder time with it (I fall into that category!). I don't think there's a one-size-fits-all answer because so much depends on the family situation and personalities involved.
Good luck tomorrow, please let us know what's going on! And when you are able, stop by my blog...there's a blog award waiting for you. :)
TY, Shay!
Amanda, who could have that kind of energy? I think Ms. Dix is right on the mark when she says that "light housekeeping" is the only kind of housekeeping remotely possible when both spouses work full-time jobs outside the home. And "light housekeeping" doesn't exactly make for a spotless house, nutritious sit-down meals, well-maintained clothing and other possessions, or kids that feel like they have the attention they so terribly need from their parents.
Gingerella, what a nice surprise! I'll be over...
Then again, what Ms. Dix suggests as an alternative for the career-minded couple - boarding as lodgers - probably isn't even an option in this day and age.
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