My grandmother died on Monday night. It was truly a blessing. She was imprisoned by Alzheimer's disease and dementia for the last four years, so I'm very happy that she's finally free of them both. It's been a tough week. I thought I'd already grieved for Nana - when we lost her in one sense - but I clearly wasn't finished. I've started to write a post several times this week and was never able to finish. She's been the only thing on my mind, but her death is too personal to share.
Housework has actually been a great comfort during this incredibly crummy fall. When you're feeling all at ends with the world, there's nothing like mechanical work - tasks that don't require any kind of creative energy - to keep you from climbing the walls. It can tire you out, too, which helps you sleep at night. And for better or worse, you'll never run out of housework! Exercise has been an unexpected friend to me as well. I've exorcised many a demon as I gritted my teeth and walked my six laps at the park. If I'm frustrated by something on the job, I rejoice in the opportunity to break free at noon, draw some fresh air into my lungs, and burn some calories.
On an up note, I've re-lost the 2 lbs. I'd gained last week and weighed in at 145 this morning. (Whoo-hoo!) I tried on some pants in a size 10 yesterday and was thrilled to find that they fit me perfectly!!! So I'm headed out to do some shopping later today and pick up a few new things for my wardrobe. I may need to invest also in some new underwear. It seems my tush no longer fills out my current supply... Can't be rockin' my new figure with a saggy bottom!
An acquaintance of mine has decided to play matchmaker. She wants to set me up with a friend who's 39, hails from New York, and is a herpetologist at the university where I work. (Think lizards and toads.) "I'm always up for a set-up!" I told her. After all, how can I truly become a 1940s housewife, without becoming a wife? Let's give him a try.
20 comments:
So sorry to hear about Nana. I'm sure she's in a better place.
Congrats on relosing the pounds!
Best WIshes,
Amanda
I lost my Nana right before Christmas in 2000. To deal with the loss I just focused on how much she influenced my life. I know she is with me always. When my mother and aunt were cleaning out her house and things, I asked for all her crocheting hooks and leftover yarn. I made it my goal to make a "Nana" blanket for each of my boys.
Good luck with your set-up!
Sorry to hear of your Grandmother's passing though I know it was a relief to you as well.
You are not kiddin! There is ALWAYS housework!
Let us know how the date goes! Good Luck!
~W~
I'm sorry to hear about your loss as well. ~hug~
Congrats on the exercise, weight loss and being able to go shop for new things. =)
LPM
My sympathies. You're never really ready to lose someone you love.
My sympathies, too. As spinnakersu says you are never really ready to lose someone you love. No matter what your brain says, your heart will still ache and at times feel like it is shattered. Cry - it is okay - then dry your tears and wash your face. Then take a rug out and beat it, or wash the walls, or do what you've been doing... (I've had too much experience with grief in the last two years.)
Congratulations on the weight loss.
HUGS and Prayers,
Sue
Packrat, it sounds like you are too familiar with the whole grief thing. I'm sorry about that. :(
Thank you all for your friendship and sympathy. I'm feeling especially sorrowful now that my nieces didn't get the chance to know their only surviving great-grandparent as she was before these diseases took so much from her. But maybe I can pass on to them some of the joy she gave me in laughter, in books, in music...
What I do know without a doubt is that she would want me going into Thursday's surgery in as good a place I can possibly be. So I'm focusing on eating right, getting plenty of exercise, and crying as much as I want.
If only I had some rugs to beat! What good is wall-to-wall carpeting when you need to work out your frustrations!!!
BTW, I'm tired of being Bad News Betty! This fall has been one bad development after the next. I think karma owes me a much happier winter!!!
My Deepest Sympathies. I know how hard Alzheimers is, as my mother has had it for some years. It is a hard disease to live with and have referred to it in the past as if living with a ghost. You can recognize they person, but they seem lost behind a veil of fear and misunderstanding, sometimes recognizing you only to forget you in the end. I hope your family feels relief with the sadness.
Congrats on the pounds, you have inspired me to get my 1950's diet book out and get started. The Holidays are not the best time for that, but perhaps I can prepare for the coming year!
Good luck hubby shopping. I have actually influenced a close friend of mine to the point that she told me the other day, "I really want to meet a man to be my husband, as I want to be a homemaker like you!" I was very honored and hope she finds the right man, of course, as friends, we will beging match making.
Sorry to here about your "Grand " mother. I know it is hard to lose someone you love. Hopefully you will have laughter with your tears. When my Dad died we talked about the fun and funny things to help us heal. He would have liked that .
Sometimes it feels like the world is against us, but there is a a lot more positive in the world than negative. "HE IS THE LIGHT"
I've written and deleted this response twice now. All I can say is I'm sorry, and my heart is toally pouring out all the love I can send via the net to you. Stay strong Jitterbug!
Just found your blog - I am so sorry to read about your Grandmother - don't think I should say too much else on my first comment.
My deepest sympathy to you.
So sorry to hear of your grandmothers passing. Our heads may be prepared to deal with this kind of pain, our hearts though tell another story.
Good luck with your date and love your blog!
so sorry for your loss. it's always hard to lose someone you love, regardless of how ill they were prior...
congrats on sticking to your excercise and reaping the benefits! definately treat yourself to some new clothes ;)
and hurrah for dates!
Dear Jitterbug, I haven't been by to read for a while, and what a terrible few weeks you are having. Before I read what you are going through, I wrote a post on my blog about how you were powering along...I am so sorry for all the trials you are facing, but you seem to be facing things with courage and grace. I can see that your routines are really helping you through a hard place, too. Who knew that housework was the therapy of many a vintage woman?
So sorry to hear about your grandmother. Sometimes I think it is not until someone dies, even if they have been ill a long time, that it is possible to see the significance of their life, and the bonds that hold us together..we lose such a lot when our grandmothers go. They are the link to the generations of strong women we never knew, and sadly, they take such a lot of knowledge and wisdom and stories that we never thought of asking for. Thinking of you.
My grandmother had Alzheimer's for nearly 10 years before she finally passed away. It was awful: Stressful for her kids, and she was such a proper lady that she would have been mortified had she been aware of what was happening to her.
I hope winter treats you better, too!
I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother. I miss mine, too.
In other news, herpetologists rock! I have had a crush on Eric Pianka since the 1980's. He kind of a rock star herpetologist/evolutionary biologist. Still yummy at 70.
Sending good thoughts your way. I also find housecleaning is a great activity during hard times. I've also found knitting is wonderful for getting through rough patches.
Congrats on the pounds lost and the new clothes. I love shopping for knickers. You should throw some fun styles in your cart while getting some everyday types.
Jitterbug,
I am so sorry for the incredibly heartbreaking loss of your grandmother. It's never easy to lose a loved one, even if they are free of the pain their physical body held.
know that she will be with you always (especially Thursday) and that you have lots of love and support from your fans here.
Keep up the weightloss and maybe, just maybe, love and better things are on the horizon.
Lots of hugs,
Rebecca
Donna, Alzheimer's is tough enough when it's your grandparent. I can't imagine how awful it's got to be when it's stolen your parent from you. Thank you for stopping by such understanding sympathy...
Mrs Tailleur, my parents have left Virginia and are on their way cross-country for the winter. They should be here by Monday. Can't wait to give my Dad a giant hug and know that he's okay. We'll have lots of reminiscing to do - and hopefully lots of laughs!
Amber, I can feel every bit of it --- even over the internet! Thank you so much. :)
Parisienne Farmgirl, hope you'll have some happier posts to comment on real soon!!!
Lily and Rachel, you're both so right. I think the depth of our grieving caught all of us off-guard. My older sister, who was able to go to the funeral, had a chance to meet and thank some of my Nana's caregivers and I think that was very healing for her.
Jo, how I've wished over the last few years that I could learn more from my grandmother about her parents and her life as I child. Sadly, it's sometimes just when we're old enough to become interested in stuff like that that it's too late to ask...
Latter-Day, I'm so sorry your grandmother and her loved ones suffered for such a long time. Four years was long enough as it was!
prairieknitter01, that's encouraging! I'll keep y'all posted.
Kathy, my panties have definitely undergone a makeover not just in size but in style! The days of white grannies (God love 'em, they're so comfy!) are far behind me now.
Rebecca, I like the way you think! Thank you so much for the kind words and hugs...
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