Back to the Basics

I've been off caffeine for four days now. You know what? It hasn't been half bad. A long nap on Sunday morning, lots of yawning on Tuesday morning, a fever/chills thing goin' on today - but no headache, no jitters. I'm surviving. Without that kick, decaf isn't even very interesting to me these days. So I spent some time looking at herbal teas at the grocery store this evening and finally settled on a box of vanilla honey chamomile. I do like nursing a hot cup of something in the a.m., so maybe I'll try out a few of these herbal teas...

This has been a tough fall. Ever since my boss went on vacation in September, I've been floundering a bit when it comes to The Experiment. And I can't seem to get my legs back under me. My crush really isn't doing me any favors either. Curly and I are definitely becoming what I'd call "work buds" --- which has been great, don't get me wrong. He's a wicked neat person and I'm enjoying getting to know him, but I'm also wildly attracted to him and I can't tell for the life of me whether it's mutual or not. As heady as it feels on the days I see or talk to him, I feel just as crushed as can be on the days I don't. It's got me in a tailspin. I thought a crush would be kinda nice in the beginning, but it's been a mixed bag lately and I hate that it's having a negative impact on my housework, etc.

What I'd like to do is to revisit some of my most basic missions and see if I can't pick myself up and carry forward with this thing. (I've still got so far to go!) Beginning tomorrow morning, I'm going to continue doing all that I've been doing, but there'll be no "hit or miss" when it comes to the specific tasks listed below. No excuses. I'm going to focus for the next seven days and make sure I've got my morning housekeeping routine back in place from beginning to end. This time without the caffeine.

Open window in bedroom on arising, for free circulation of air.

Throw back bed covers, including top sheet.

Carry soiled clothing to the hamper. Hang up other clothing. Put away any personal possessions out of place in the bedroom.

Prepare and serve breakfast.

Clear away dishes and misplaced articles from dining room, after breakfast.

Operate ventilating range hood while scraping, rinsing, and stacking dishes in the dishwasher. Leave pots and pans to soak in sink.

Put away food.

Make bed.

Close bedroom window if air conditioning will be used during day.

Sleuthery

I've got not so good news from the scale to report this morning, ladies. I weighed in at 150 today - just like last Saturday - which makes it the first weigh-in since early August which hasn't been a success. Well, at least I didn't gain anything... Truth be told, I was a bit sloppy about my eating earlier this week and I haven't been drinking my full 64 oz. of water each day. But as I looked down at this scale this morning and saw the very same numbers that flashed across the scale last weekend, I felt a renewed commitment to my reducing and fitness plans. After all, 117 is still a looooooooooooong way off and there isn't any time to lose!

Maybe it's the change in seasons. This is the first week I've been able to turn off the air conditioning at home. Yesterday, I actually got to open the windows in my apartment and leave them open all day long. I got home from work and everything just smelled so much fresher when I walked in the door. It's much, much darker on Monday mornings when I get up early to do my weekly wash. Darker mornings and cooler temperatures are messing with my workout schedule a bit, too. Instead of having to be at the park by 6 a.m. on Saturdays and Sundays, I need to wait until at least 6:30 or 7 unless I want to be freezing in the dark! And it's just about cool enough to be able to walk outdoors again at lunchtime on weekdays. Temps only hit the 80s - sometimes low 90s - these days. Autumn in the Southwest.

A friend and I were talking about my blind date last week and I realized something that still makes me laugh. My self esteem is so healthy these days that it never even occurred to me that the emailer wouldn't be totally into me. Isn't that crazy? I was so focused on whether I liked him or not, that it never even entered my mind that he wouldn't be crazy about me! So when he didn't contact me soon after that coffee date, it caught me completely off-guard. Just to give you an update, he emailed me three days later. A quick email about a book I'd mentioned when we met each other. I wrote him back the next day - which must have been several days ago now - and I haven't heard from him since. I do believe I've been fizzled!!! This is perfectly okay, but it's just funny to me that I didn't remotely expect this kind of disinterest from my blind date. That's what losing 44 lbs. will do to a dame, I guess! Dangerous, blinding self-confidence.

Ooh, before I forget, here's a picture of the beauteous plum-colored dress I bought a few weeks ago when I first got into a size 12. It's uber flattering just exactly in the places where I need a little extra flattering. Best part? I can wash it on the delicates cycle, dry it on a hanger in my bathroom, and it's ready to go. No iron needed. Now that's fashion a housewife can appreciate.

This is the dress I was wearing on Thursday when I saw Curly for the second time last week. (I paired it with some strappy gold heels, purple beaded earrings, and gold bracelets on both wrists.) Once upon a time, I used to see Curly maybe once every month or two. Over the summer, it was once a week. These days, I'm running into him a few times a week. Which is absolutely fine with me! The man is smokin' hot. He's actually started using the men's room in the hallway right outside my office - there's a men's room just outside his office downstairs - and he came up to use the kitchen in our office suite twice last week. Now, clearly my judgment is a bit impaired these days (see Exhibit A above) so I'm trying really hard not to read anything into all these Curly sightings. But by the third day in a row last week, I started feeling a little intoxicated. Maybe there's something wrong with the men's room downstairs? Maybe he was around all the time before... Did I just never notice him?

*sigh*

Where's Nancy Drew when you need her?

36 + 2 = 38

Ooh, so close! I weighed in at 156 lbs. this morning. Just 1 lb. shy of my midway milestone. Soooooooooo close!!! I have to hold off on the confetti and streamers for a little bit longer. How's that for some incentive for the next week. I want to see that 155 so badly I can hardly stand it!

So I guess I was a little over-optimistic about my boss' vacation when it started. :) What a week. I went from feeling completely capable to feeling absolutely overwhelmed and struggling to get as much done at home as I had the energy to do. It's almost over, thank goodness. She'll be back on Tuesday. I'm grateful to have a couple days at home now to recuperate and get caught up on some housework. It's my kitchen's turn this week for an extra special, super-duper monthly cleaning, but I thought I'd sit down and catch up with my blog before getting started on that big job.

My vintage breakfast menu this morning called for Sweet Rolls, but there was no way on God's green earth I had the patience or energy to attempt any yeast breads this weekend! So I flipped through the pages of my cookbook to try and find a quick bread that'd be hearty and filling. You know what's wild? Being able to do that - knowing that I've got the ingredients for most things already there in my own pantry. That still gives me a rush. Here's the recipe for the Raisin Bran Muffins that caught my eye. This is a sugar-free wartime recipe --- the only sweeteners being molasses and the natural sugars in raisins. They were tasty, but nowhere near as yummy as the Rolled Oat Muffins I made a month or so ago.

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RAISIN BRAN MUFFINS

3/4 cup sifted flour
3 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup bran
1/2 cup seeded raisins
1 egg
1/2 cup milk
1 1/2 tablespoons molasses
1 tablespoon melted shortening

Sift flour, baking powder and salt together; add bran and raisins. Beat egg and mix with remaining ingredients. Add dry ingredients, mixing only enough to dampen all the flour. Fill greased muffin pans 2/3 full and bake in hot oven (400 degrees F.) 30 minutes. Makes 12.

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Have muffin pans gotten larger since 1945? Not the Texas muffin kind, the everyday muffin pans... This recipe only yielded 10 muffins for me and a few of them were very small.

You'll be proud of me - I finally managed to choke out a conversation with Curly this last week! He came by my office a couple times on Wednesday, the second time to toast one of the bagels in the kitchen that somebody had brought in for a birthday. So his bagel's in the toaster, he's looking at a map on the wall beside my desk, and I'm finishing up a phone call and thinking to myself, "Jitterbug, it's now or never. You've got to move this beyond, 'Hi. How are you?' This is it!" I moved right into his space and asked him something I knew would make him laugh. And he laughed out loud. What a smile! I just wanted to see it again and again. He told me a funny story, then his bagel was finished and I needed to get back to work anyway. Goodness, anybody walking by would have instantly seen how attracted I am to him - he couldn't not have seen it himself --- I must have been smiling and blushing and batting my eyelashes like no tomorrow. I felt a little embarrassed afterward, but decided that if he didn't come by again for awhile that was a sure sign that he was uncomfortable with my attention. Well, he came by again the next day. That's all I needed to know. Open season!

Just so you know how hard it is for me to talk coherently when Curly's anywhere in the vicinity, here's a hint of what's running through my mind. Check out these beautiful pictures taken by Alfred Eisenstaedt at Penn Station in 1944. They're almost a little too personal to look at...

Gossip Girl

Lily Haxworth Wallace continues her chapter on dating in The New American Etiquette (1941) with a stern word of caution about the power of gossip, especially in smaller communities. And even in a large city, there might be plenty of gossip about the apartment building or the office. It reminds me just how precious a woman's reputation still was to her in the 1940s. Most of us live in communities today where there's such anonymity that we can lead our lives with whatever code of conduct feels right to us - and where it's no longer considered politically correct to "judge" anybody else - but there was no such anonymity sixty years ago. If a young woman damaged her reputation, she might destroy her chances to marry well and have a home to keep. She might even damage her children's chances to do the same. Wagging tongues and long memories:

To maintain your standing and reputation in the community it is not alone necessary to be absolutely proper in your behavior. In addition, you must give the appearance of absolute propriety if the tongues are not to wag.

You know that there is no harm done when you invite Tom into your apartment at 2:30 o'clock in the morning after a wonderful evening but a gossip across the corridor can find a lot to talk about in that. After the story has traveled the rounds, it is quite likely to be keeping Tom alone with you until daylight.

Wouldn't it have been better to have explained to Tom that your neighbors cannot seem to leave your life alone and that, therefore, it is best that you omit that late cup of coffee?

Not long ago I was in a restaurant in a small town. A young married couple entered and, just inside, were joined by a single man who was a friend of their family. On the way to find a table, the husband stopped for a minute to chat with a business associate. The wife and other man found a booth and took seats. Across the way were two women, both acquaintances of the wife. They had not seen her husband enter with her. Immediately their heads went together and I eavesdropped on the following conversation:

"Look at that, my dear, who would have thought that Helen could be so brazen?"

"Oh, you can't always tell about these young girls. I am certainly glad I found out about this."

At that moment the husband came on the scene and sat beside his wife. I never saw more disappointed expressions than appeared on the faces of the two Mrs. Grundys.

Of course, such a thing would never be considered a topic for gossip in a large city but it serves to show what type of stories the small minds of some persons, and they are not always women, can create from perfectly innocent facts. You cannot avoid, entirely, gossip about you founded on pure untruths and circulated by malicious persons. But, in relations with men you will be wise to be as circumspect as possible in order to do nothing that will lend credence to any such slander.

I don't have much to worry about myself in the way of wagging tongues around my apartment complex. Not only do most of my neighbors not even greet each other in passing, but the man my coworker set me up with has yet to hint about getting together for a cup of coffee or anything else. Which I can't say I'm exactly disappointed about. We've exchanged four or five emails during the past week, and he is becoming more of a dud with every email. Oh my goodness, he actually started telling me about the board games he likes to play! I'd have been more than willing to meet the guy - plenty of people sound much different in person than they do by email --- but my interest in even this has an expiration date. I don't need another pen pal.

Now if it were Curly we were talking about, it would be lovely indeed to find myself in the predicament of the young lady being escorted home in the wee hours. Unfortunately, I've lost all power of speech around him. He's been growing out his hair this summer and, the longer those curls get, the faster my heart races whenever I see him. All I can do is blush like a madwoman and stammer out a word or two - which is completely embarrassing and makes it impossible even to try and flirt. We seem to be stalled at "Hi! How are you?" "Good, and you?" Yet my office-mate is convinced that in all the years he's worked there he's never come by the office to use our kitchen this frequently. And if eye contact could make up for words, we'd be having some pretty fascinating conversations. He definitely lingers a bit when it comes to looking at me.

Who knows? Maybe it's just the fact that I'm shrinking. I probably look a little different every time he sees me. My face is changing pretty dramatically as I lose this weight. The bone structure is starting to emerge and my neck and chin are slimming down enough that I like wearing my hair up again. Oh, and it turns out I have a collarbone - it was in there all this time!

Now if I could only get some poise back...

*swoon*

Shnikeys! I was just alone in the dark with Curly!!!

Okay, yes, I was only letting him into an office where he'd printed something. An office where everybody was away on a one-day retreat and the place was all locked up and dark. Neither one of us reached for a light. And when the printer ended up being out of the right size paper, then out of a yellow ink cartridge --- well, it took a few minutes while we both worked over the printer to try and bring it to life. No success, but you know I didn't mind! We were standing there right next to each other. Shoulder to shoulder, hip to hip - just an inch of airspace between us. What a rush. I have no idea if it's possible for one person to feel such sparkly heat and the other not to feel anything at all, but there's certainly sparkles and fire on this side!

Curly and I have been thrown together in some really oddball ways during the last couple weeks. Here's this guy I've worked in the same building with for nearly two years, and I think I've seen and talked to him more in the last two weeks than in the last two years altogether. Part of me wonders if there's something more mysterious pulling the strings.

Now if I could just manage not to act like a complete tween whenever he walks in the room...

It's a Girl!

I've gotten some great compliments from women lately. A co-worker whom I see only once every couple months asked me the other day if I had new glasses. "Nope." "Your face looks different," she insisted. So we gabbed for a good long while about my diet and exercise regimen. A friend of mine told me yesterday how young I was looking these days. Incredible compliments, I tell you --- I'm so grateful. The women around you can build up your spirits and your resolve in a wonderful way.

But it's the reaction of men that has been the zinger.

It started on the street one morning as I was walking to my office building. A middle-aged man looked directly at me and gave me an appreciative smile. It's probably the first time that's happened to this former frump in several years and it caught me completely off-guard! (I think it must have been the red lipstick.) The men I work with are all too dear and polite - and much older than I am - to even breathe a word to me about my having lost weight, but some of them smile in a new way when they see me lately. Kind of in a curious, appreciative, it's-nice-to-see-a-pretty-woman-around-here kind of way. Like they'd like to ask what I've been doing with myself, but there's a rule in the Book of Masculine Etiquette that a gentleman never brings up weight around a lady.

It's not that I'm interested in what any of these particular men think of my looks, but it has been a strange and novel experience for me even to sample that kind of admiration again. I'd forgotten the power that an attractive woman can have when it comes to men. I don't think I've sensed that power since I was in my early to mid-twenties. Oh, it was heady stuff in those days... These days, I'm more than content that the men I work with, for instance, think of me simply as a trusted and accomplished colleague. I guess they just happen to be serving as a kind of mirror to me lately. Allowing me to see myself in a new light.

Maybe it's my crush. (I'll call him Curly.) There's such electricity in the air for me these days - I don't know which end is up when he walks by. I guess what I'm trying to say in a very clumsy way is that I'm actually feeling like a woman again. And it's been a long time coming. It makes me teary even now just to try and express this in writing.

When I had to shop for some new clothes (in a new size) a few weeks ago, I picked out clothes in colors - passionate lipstick pinks and bright, beautiful yellows. What a change they brought to my old wardrobe of neutrals! Blacks, whites, grays, khakis --- now I'm reaching for colors that make me feel more feminine than I have in years. I even bought a silk flower on a clip to wear in my hair. Since picking up a set of curlers a few days ago, I've been experimenting. It feels so good to have a little bounce and sass to my hair. I'm going to start sounding like a broken record soon, but it's a far cry from the buns and ponytails and the ever popular hair-tucked-behind-the-ears look that had become my signature hairstyles.

Gosh, if this is what losing 20 lbs. can do, I can't even imagine what I'll find myself thinking and feeling - and doing - at 40!

15 + 5 = 20

Good morning, dearies!

Three days and one new computer monitor later, I'm back in business. My monitor's been acting up for a couple weeks now, but it gave up the game yesterday. When I couldn't get online, I actually started feeling a little worried. Would I be able to keep up the hard work without my dear readers to help me through the rough patches? As soon as I'd finished my workout this morning, eaten my breakfast, and powdered my nose, it was off to the store to pick up a new monitor. Whatever it is about this blog, it's been an absolute necessity to me in this journey and I haven't the time to hem and haw about repairing the old monitor. Now if I can just get used to this extra wide, new screen...

As you can see from the title to this post, I had some wonderful news from the scale to compensate for the computer issues. It was 2 lbs. a few days ago and 3 more this morning, leaving me at a weight of 174. That's 20 lbs. lost since April 9!!! I'm not sure why - you know firsthand how hard those first 11 lbs. were - but the last 9 have come off fairly quickly.

Is it the humidity?
With temps in the 90s and 100s every day, I am sweating an awful lot more when I walk than I was in April or May. (I'm also continuing to drink 64 oz. of water per day to make up for that.)

Has my stomach been shrinking?
It's a strange place indeed to find myself, but I've actually had zero temptation to snack lately. I watched my co-workers gorge themselves on tres leches cake yesterday and it didn't even cross my mind to have a taste. Hit one of the bars last night for happy hour and drank a diet soda (which is rare in and of itself for me). Didn't have the remotest interest in sampling all the appetizers that were being shared around the table. It wigs me out a bit to think of the quantity of food I used to eat. Even just a month ago when I was still eating peanut butter cups for dessert after dinner. There are a few minor changes I've been making lately --- buying skim milk instead of 1%, using two sugars in my morning coffee instead of three. That kind of thing. Maybe these little changes are making a difference.

Am I working out with more intensity?
I'm not sure. I can tell you that I'm beginning to look forward to my walks these days. (Could you have imagined me saying that three months ago?) I've even felt impelled this morning to break into a jog a couple of times. Crazy! One of the limbering and stretching exercises that I do each day is a leg lift in bed first thing in the morning. I do it just five times each morning - and what I noticed a few days ago is that while my back used to really do the work, my abdomen has taken over. I can actually feel some strength in my core which I never in a million years thought I'd feel again. I had open abdominal surgery several times during my late twenties. Cut open from stem to stern. Sliced right through that abdominal wall. I never thought I'd be able to rebuild any kind of strength or power in that area.

Or could it just be that crush?
Yep, you heard it here first. Little Miss Jitterbug has a good old-fashioned, butterflies-in-the-tummy, weak-in-the-knees kind of crush! He's a man who works in the same building as I do, though he's in a different department. Probably a few years younger than me, but he's got a 3,000-watt smile, the kind of curls they write songs about, and - from the few conversations we've had - seems like a super sweet person. *swoon* Nothing will probably come of this, but it's been a looooooooooooooong time since I even had a crush on somebody... so I'll take whatever loss of appetite comes along with it for as long as it lasts!

Now how 'bout that bedroom. I've got some housework to do! I'll check in later this weekend to share my adventures in bathing.