51 + 1 = 52

There's another week - and another hard-earned pound - under my belt. (I should probably say out from under my belt!) I weighed in at 142 this morning, making a total weight loss of 52 lbs. since beginning my vintage fitness and reducing plan eight months ago.

A co-worker and I were looking at some pictures from old holiday parties the other day and I gasped aloud when I saw a picture of myself from the 2007 party. I was at my heaviest then (208 lbs.) and looked just as miserable as I remember feeling. My face in particular --- the skin looked as if it had stretched as far as it possibly could to contain all that flesh I'd packed under it. I'm paying today for all that trauma I put my skin through when I gained weight. There are stretch marks on my arms, my breasts, my legs, my belly. I wish I could exercise these away, but I'm afraid they're going to be permanent reminders of a very sad period in my life. A friend has suggested I try applying apricot kernel oil. That it won't make the stretch marks disappear entirely, but it may fade them a bit. I'll let you know how it works.

I've been reflecting a lot these days on my weight loss during the past year and wishing I had something profound to say about it. Something that would magically sum up all that I've learned. I'm not sure how profound any of this might be, but I'd like to try and put down some of the things I've been thinking about. If any bit of it sparks an idea or reflection that helps somebody reading this, it will have been worth every keystroke...

One of the things that has surprised me most about weight loss is how much of it is mental. True, there's plenty about this process that's physical. I'm reminded of that every time I drag myself to the park for a walk when I'd much rather be doing something else. Or when I'm dead tired and would like nothing better than to go to bed, but there are evening exercises that must be finished. Nevertheless, I'd say I've waged the better part of this battle with my brain. Reducing has been in many ways a mental exercise. I've devoted lots of space on my blog to writing about the physical exercises I do, so here - for a change - is what you might call my mental exercise routine.

1. The people working out nearby are not your enemy.
(1 rep per day for the first month)
The single most important thing that kept me from walking at the park before beginning this plan was my belief that the other people walking there would be thinking critical things about my weight, my appearance, or my pace. It blows my mind that I once let something so incredibly wrong - a figment of my imagination, really - keep me from improving my health and my life. There may be mean-spirited people wherever you go who think critical things of everyone around them, but they certainly aren't restricted to the park or gym where you work out. I very quickly came away from those early walks with a feeling of support instead. I met encouraging smiles from the people I walked by on the track --- and always felt such a spirit of camaraderie. We're all there for the same reason. We're all doing daily battle with the desire to sleep in or to lie on the sofa and watch a good movie instead of getting bundled up and going out in the cold to burn some calories. This is one mental exercise I no longer have to practice. Once I realized how wrong I'd been, I never looked back.

2. Invest in your health. (2 reps per week)
You could apply this exercise to the price of a gym membership if that's the best way for you to get a regular workout, but what I'm referring to here is the investment I make twice a week in fresh produce. On Wednesdays and Saturdays, I pack myself off to the grocery store to re-stock my kitchen shelves with every variety of fruit or vegetable that strikes my fancy. I used to feel guilty indulging in produce like this. It seems so much more expensive than some of the "diet food" or 100-calorie snacks you might pick up on aisles toward the center of the supermarket. But when you factor in what that produce does for your body in addition to being low in calories... No longer! I'm worth every penny. Fruit in particular is my constant indulgence. I allow myself to snack on fruit any time I like, so it's critical that there's always lots of variety at home. This rule of thumb applies to every kind of grocery I purchase. Whole grains may generally cost more than refined grains, for instance, but they're far more effective in providing the fiber your body is screaming out for --- and you just can't beat a great piece of toast made from a whole grain bread. (I can't imagine going back to white bread!) I indulge when it comes to the flours and cereals I keep about the house as well. As we speak, my pantry is stocked not only with white flour, but with buckwheat flour, wheat bran, graham flour, rolled oats, cornmeal, oat bran, and farina. With a good variety on hand, I'm much more likely to prepare the whole grain cereals and baked goods that get my day off to a good start and usually keep me from feeling hungry 'til lunchtime.

3. Tomorrow is not Day One. (repeat as necessary)
This is a biggie. It has been since the day I started and probably always will be. My diets used to look a lot like this: a) off to a great start, b) cheat, c) beat myself up about it, d) vow to start fresh tomorrow, and e) binge for the rest of the day since I'd screwed this day up anyway. Sound familiar? I still can't explain exactly what it was that allowed me to short this mental circuit, but I consciously took a different tack when I started this diet in April. Tomorrow can no longer be Day One. There is no starting over when it comes to life - and there's no starting over when it comes to my lifestyle. This lifestyle is going to be mine from here on out. If I cheat or if I indulge on a special occasion, the trick is in not calling the rest of the day "a wash." I can pick myself up at any moment and say: "Well, I wish I hadn't eaten that, but I can't go back and undo it. I can try and learn why I cheated in that particular way - and maybe avoid this mistake the next time 'round --- but I still have the power to save this day by using all the techniques I know until bedtime." I can't tell you how many of these conversations I've had with myself! I'll probably be doing this mental exercise for a long time, but it's made a huge difference.

4. Information is power. (1 rep per day)
It took me a few months to figure this one out, but a daily weigh-in has been such a help to me. Going seven days without knowing - really knowing - where I'm headed now seems like driving in the dark without any headlights. You have to get used to the rollercoaster that things like water retention might do to your results, but by and large the scale reliably reflects my behavior the day before. I might be able to relax in this area when I've lost all the weight I need to and I've shifted into maintenance mode, but while I'm actively trying to reduce this kind of daily feedback is critical. You'd be amazed how often thoughts of cheating can be put aside in the late evenings when I know I have to get on that scale in the morning!

5. You can live comfortably with the feeling of hunger. (repeat as necessary)
I'm still limbering up when it comes to this mental exercise... It used to be that the slightest sensation of hunger - or any kind of discomfort, mental or physical - would find me running to the kitchen to find something to stave off the pain. But there's a major difference between the sensation of hunger and actual hunger pains. One of the things I'm learning is that you have to learn how to live comfortably with the sensation of hunger in order to reduce your calories enough to lose weight. It feels good to me now to wake in the morning with actual hunger pains. I don't think I've allowed myself to feel what an empty stomach feels like in years. And it's okay. Sitting down to a meal with genuine hunger makes it possible to savor the taste and texture of genuine food. Empty stomachs should be satisfied, but it's those early sensations of hunger that need to be worked around. You don't need to start pitching food down the gullet the minute your stomach has a little bit of space inside and calls out for more.