Rising divorce rates during the 1940s brought about a whole new set of questions for "agony aunts" like Dorothy Dix. Here's one divorce-related plea for advice in a column first printed on February 28, 1942. How does Ms. Dix do this week?
Dear Dorothy Dix: My husband was divorced before we ever met - so was I. He is one of the finest men on earth - good to me in every respect, except one. But what I can not stand, and that I know will eventually end in our separation, is that he has kept all the furniture that he and his former wife had, and insists upon my using it. Many of the things were wedding presents to her. So imagine my feelings when my friends ask me: “Where did you get these lovely linens?” Or: “Did you make this luncheon set?” And I have to tell them they were No. 1s. I admit they are very nice; but I would gladly trade them for a shabbily furnished apartment. No one could understand, unless they had been through it, what it is to be alone all day washing dishes that were never bought for them; polishing furniture and ironing clothes that were done many times by their predecessor. Once I mentioned that I would like to get some new linens, but my husband said we couldn’t afford them, and what was the use when we had all of this? I vowed to myself that I would never mention it to him again, but I know that sometime when I have spent a long day looking at her things I will leave. And if I do leave, I won’t leave as much as a hairpin to haunt another wife if he should remarry.
POLLYANNA’S STEPSISTER.
Answer - Of course you are making a mountain out of a mole hill, but inasmuch as you have your mound built so high that it shuts off your sunshine, your husband should be wise enough to level it down and cart the dirt away in the interest of peace and happiness. Consider that this is his second venture into matrimony, he has learned little about women if he has not found out that you can not argue with their prejudices and whims, and that they can make themselves just as miserable over a fancied grievance as a real one.
I think you will be foolish to break up your home and give up an otherwise good husband because of the association connected with a few chairs and tables, but I think your husband is still more foolish not to understand how you feel about the matter and send the offending articles to the auction room. It would be a cheap price to pay for keeping a home intact.
11 comments:
This is too cute. The things they worried about! LOL. Have a great night honey! Kori xoxo
On one hand I agree with The Dix, that she is making something out of nothing, all the waste not-want not logic. But I know what it is like to use cast-offs from my mother-in-law...linens, covers, towels, armoires, etc. The second wife should do what I did. (Now I'm telling a long kept secret). I "accidentally" "caught" the sheets on the railing of the terrace when taking them off the line, and they ripped right in the middle, and so were "unrepairable". The wind was strong that day, man they just ripped from top to bottom! Same thing with kitchen towels...I "accidentally" "sliced" the fabric when cutting the bread.
I did these things over the course of a few years, and bought ones that I liked for myself.
My husband is practical, too. But it's not your home unless it's your stuff. You think the first wife had to make do with the mother-in-law's junk? Nope, she got her own things.
I always look forward to these posts!
I think she was spot on for once - not too harsh, and not overly sympathetic. The woman admits that it's nice stuff, but she's willing to divorce just because she was not the one to own it first? If that's how she was spending her energy, I feel sorry for the husband.
My goodness that Dorothy Dix was a spiteful and mean spirited lady - it is suprising to me that she was the highest paid and most popular in her time. She makes some good points - but they sure have barbs on them. I think people word things more nicely these days. Interesting to be reminded what was common in my parents' day.
I guess I'm reading between the lines. Again, I have too many questions to give such a simple answer.
The husband kept all the linens and furniture and dishes. Why?
Is the ex in an institution? Is she no longer living? Did she run off and leave everything behind?
Or, when the husband and his first wife were divorced, did the husband decide that since he (probably) paid for most of it that it was his to keep?
Actually, I'm "seeing" a very flawed character trait in the husband - selfishness.
Sometimes, I "argue" the other side just to open up conversation. But, this time I really think the man might be a selfish SOB. (Sorry, can I write that here?)
I agree with Gingerella. I think Ms. Dix was pretty evenhanded with this response She chides the writer a bit for her "whims," but the writer was being a smidge melodramatic here... Hubby gets equally chided for not making his wife's happiness more important than the cost of replacing No. 1's wedding gifts.
Packrat, I'm glad you asked! You gotta wonder why No. 1 took off without any of her wedding gifts in tow. I bet she left the cheapskate for another man and either felt guilt - so left the stuff --- or never wanted to have any reminders around of her first marriage.
Tammy, you're very inventive!!! Heirlooms are one thing, but castoffs are quite another.
Piecefulafternoon, Ms. Dix didn't waste any time coddling her writers or being p.c. She told it like she thought it. Reminds me of some elderly relatives I encountered as a child.
I don't think the furniture would bother me. I like things with a history. But the mattress and bed that's another story! This Was war time maybe the husband thought to ration his spending.
I'm with Packrat, and quite at a loss as to why the first wife left all the things. I've always said that if my DH and I ever divorced everything would go with me because dang it, I picked it out! (well, and quite a bit of our household is antiques and heirlooms from my family.....DH and I both love old things, so we tend to collect far more than we need!).
As for the new wife. Wow. Quit your damn whining and if you have to, sell some of the old and buy new. Men tend to never notice things like that. But seriously, times were hard, and maybe you should try dyeing some of the tablecloths to make them your own, or something. I can understand her frustration, but she's being a little drama queen-ish.
PS: Do any of you ever wonder if any these questions are from real people? I've often thought about that over the years.
I'm with Packrat, too. What woman would voluntarily leave behind her wedding gifts, furniture, and the linens she'd made??
Granted, divorce laws and conventions have probably changed considerably in the past 65 years, but It makes me wonder if the husband is controlling in ways the writer didn't mention. Or if the first wife lost everything in the divorce. I wonder if this guy was as nice as the writer says, once a woman got on his off side?
As for the new wife. Wow. Quit your damn whining and if you have to, sell some of the old and buy new.
It's worth remembering, I think, that many women in that day and age deferred to their husbands on all decisions regarding property, furniture, etc. A decision that instinctively feels so minor to us might have been something a woman of the era felt uncomfortable going against her husband's say-so on... Not all women, of course, but this kind of thing was deeply ingrained.
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