In a column which dates to January 31, 1940, a young wife and mother writes about the tug she feels between her duty to her husband and her duty to her child. Which duty wins out with Dorothy Dix?
Dear Dorothy Dix - I have been married eleven years and have one daughter. My husband makes a small salary and in order to help meet expenses I, too, work. After being away from my little girl all day I feel my place is at home with her at night. My husband, however, has friends who have poker games at their homes several times a week. These include drinking and much familiarity between the men and women, and my husband comes home from them between 4 and 5 o'clock in the morning drunk. These people insist that I, too, should play poker with them, visit beer joints and gambling houses, but I refuse to do so, not only on my own account, but because of the influence it would have on my little girl. Am I right in devoting myself to her and maintaining my own self-respect? Should I go with my husband or simply let him go his way and stick to mine?
W. B. C.
Answer - Stick to your own way. Your first duty to your child. You can do nothing to stop your husband. If he likes drinking and carousing and loose company your paling up with him would only encourage him in his evil ways. But you can do everything for your little girl by your example and teaching. You could not expect her to grow up into being a decent woman if she had both a father and mother who rolled home drunk from poker parties.
9 comments:
No argument here. Good grief. I hope her husband grew up and started spending his time more productively. Nothing against poker, mind you; everyone needs a hobby, but this sounds like it's having a serious negative effect. I wonder if he was losing a lot of money, as well?
Amen to Latter-Day Flapper's comment.
It's striking to me that the wife felt compelled to build an argument against going out with her husband to these parties - as if her non-desire to go wasn't enough of a reason. She must have felt that if she went with her husband she'd be able to keep him from getting totally wasted or fooling around with other women. That it was her duty as a wife to be his moral compass... Though I have to wonder if his evenings out were truly as wild and crazy as she's built them up in her head to be. If she went along once, would it ease her mind if the poker parties turned out to be actually quite staid and dull?
As a daughter of an alcoholic father who played poker (and lost tons of money) and cheated on his wife, I have a hard time being unbiased.
PS - My parents thought I didn't know...
You can't help but wonder if she's one of these low-self-esteem types. Maybe grew up in a similar situation, saw her mother try to deal with it, and isn't confident about putting her foot down.
Wow I agree with Ms. Dix .Somebody has to be the adult in the family. I think the husband is laying the guilt on the wife. The mother wanted someone on her side.If she is having to work maybe he is gambling and drinking (not a cheap habit)to much.
That cad!
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